it’s nothing new

I’ve finally gotten around to reading Iain Gately’s Drink: A Cultural History of Alcohol, which I bought way back in June (in my defense, I bought it along with Infinite Jest, so I’ve been busy).  A hundred pages in, it’s an engaging, interesting read.  Most importantly, however, it offers this fraternity-resembling version of the Paternoster, from 12th-century European students:

Our Father, who art in glasses, hallowed be thy wine.  May the cups of Bacchus come, may thy storm be done in wine as it is in the tavern, give us this day our bread for the devouring and forgive our great cups, as we forgive not drinking, and lead us not into the absence of wine, but deliver us from our clothing.

It’s good to know that college hasn’t changed too much.

MxMo XLIII: Vermouth

This month’s theme for MxMo is a bit of a soft pass over home goal.  Something like that?  Sports metaphors are not my forte.  But let me welcome you to this month’s most disinterested-in-the-great-American-pastimes cocktail blog roundup, hosted by Vidiot at Cocktailians.  The theme is vermouth, one of the most common classic (and nouveau) cocktail ingredients, although Vidiot has been kind enough to stretch the invitation to include all aromatized wines so that everyone who has actually managed to get their hands on Cocchi Americano can make me want to internet-punch them in the face.

While I am not one of the chosen few who has so far been able to get their hands on what is reputed to be an accurate clone of Kina Lillet, the independent wine store run by kind of weird hipsters in my area, The Corkscrew, has started stocking Dolin vermouths – which were cool, like, nine months ago.  It’s always cooler to be late to the party, right?  Right.  Specifically, I was interested in the Dolin Blanc, since I had loved the idea of white vermouth from before I started getting into cocktails, but had been disappointed with the Cinzano Bianco I first tried.  Furthermore, Jason Wilson had posted a recipe for a cocktail he was calling the Orchard Keeper, a mixture of Calvados, Dolin Blanc, and honey syrup, which recalls a cool riff on a Manhattan.

Since I’m a better refiner than creator, I’m going to go ahead and use the Orchard Keeper as my submission for this MxMo, but I need to give credits for the refinements and variations to my lovely assistant and girlfriend.  Of the two of us, she has the patience to make small variations for side-by-side comparisons, while I fill the critical, peevishly-wondering-where-my-drink-is role.  It is thanks to her that the world can finally know whether Laird’s 100-proof Apple Brandy or Christian Drouin Calvados makes a superior Orchard Keeper.

Orchard Keeper (Original Recipe)
By Jason Wilson

• 2 oz Calvados (I used Christian Drouin)
• 3/4 oz white vermouth (I used Dolin Blanc)
• 1/2 oz honey syrup (1 part honey, 2 parts water)
  Stir all ingredients with ice.  Strain into a cocktail glass.  Garnish with a lemon twist.

Jason Wilson claims that this cocktail isn’t too sweet and, the first time I made it (with Laird’s 100-proof Bonded Apple Brandy), it wasn’t.  The woody kick of that liquor, much like bourbon or rye, benefits from some tempering with sugar.  But Calvados, which is thinner and sweeter, pushed this recipe into too-sweet territory.

Orchard Keeper (my recipe)

• Yeah, it’s the same thing but with Laird’s.  I don’t really need to spell it out, do I?

So I originally liked the Laird’s over the Calvados in this recipe.  But I have to admit that the Laird’s is less interesting.  It doesn’t scream apple.  It, really, is just a Manhattan with white vermouth (seriously, Laird’s is not all that different from a nice, rounded bourbon – I imagine it’s aged in new oak for at least some period of time).  So, after some tinkering, we had the idea to reduce the honey syrup. Just crazy enough to work, right?

Orchard Keeper (best recipe)

• 2 oz Calvados (Christian Drouin)
• 3/4 oz white vermouth (Dolin Blanc)
• 1/4 oz honey syrup (2:1::water:honey)
  Do the same thing as before, but better.

So there you have it, folks.  It took a lot of work, and we had to drink a lot of cocktails, but it was worth it.  We drink them so you don’t have to.

Don’t Be Bitter

So Michael at A Dash of Bitters is hosting a crazy contest.  Normally I avoid this kind of thing because I hate losing, but I also love The Bitter Truth Bitters.  And I love gin.  I am totally doing this thing.

So the deal is I have to express my bitter jealousy of another blogger.  Which means talking about how much I wish I had someone else’s talents. Luckily, this is pretty easy to figure out.  I am insanely jealous of Jay, at Oh Gosh!, who gets to travel all over the world drinking great stuff, taste a bunch of European alcohol that I don’t have access to, and, in fact, has had lots of access to the gin this contest is based around, Beefeater 24.  Furthermore, Jay’s cocktails are almost always delicious (at least, the cocktails I produce from his writing).

So, yeah, I’m bitter that I don’t have Jay’s cocktail-life, and also bitter that I’ve been suckered into a clever, potentially delicious promotion.  But I’m not actually sad to talk up Oh Gosh!, which deserves all the promotion it can get.

and then there was the one time where I saw my name in lights

I am way too cool to pretend to be cool about this:  I am totally in the Times, guys.

(For this article that the lovely folks at The Ethicurean let me publish.)

women and children first!

Normally I would heap scorn and withering sarcasm on something corny like this, but, let’s be clear: if there is any way to add a soupcon of human suffering and sweeping tragedy to cocktail hour, I am all about that.

once more, with chocolate this time

This may get me kicked out of the club, but I don’t really like Sidecars or Whiskey Sours.  The combination of wood-aged liquor with citrus and/or orange liqueur just tastes weird to me.  In fact, I tend to avoid any drink that combines whiskey or brandy and lemon juice, because I can never enjoy them properly.  No great loss, really; while the Sidecar is certainly a drink worth proselytizing, there are plenty of other things to do with that cognac.  And Whiskey Sours are always a little declasse, if you ask me, unless they’re jazzed up into a Delicious or Dizzy or What-Have-You Sour.

So I was delighted to discover the Commodore, in Wondrich’s Esquire Drinks: essentially a Whiskey Daisy with creme de cacao substituted for the Cointreau (note that there is another, more boring Commodore out there, being essentially a Whiskey Sour with a dash of orange bitters, and also a Commodore Perry, which is unrelated).  Somehow, the chocolate flavor smoothed over whatever it is that normally irritates me about citrus/whiskey combinations.

That was then!  Yesterday, I was thinking about how much I like mezcal.  I think about that a lot.  And about how well agave liquors and chocolate go together (a not entirely unexpected combinatorial triumph).  And that made me, in turn, think of taking a Beachfire Margarita, throwing out the Cointreau, and forcing in some creme de cacao and Xocolatl bitters.  I had to reverse my usual 3-2-1 tequila-Cointreau-lime juice ratio, since creme de cacao is a lot sweeter than Cointreau, but that drop in chocolate power was more than made up for by the Xocolatl bitters.

Remember the Alamo

• 1 oz reposado tequila (I used Sauza Hornitos)
• 1/2 oz joven mezcal (I used Del Maguey Chichicapa)
• 1 oz lime juice
• 1/2 oz creme de cacao (I used Marie Brizard, and, btw, why are there no “artisanal” creme de cacaos?)
• 2 dashes Bittermen’s Xocolatl Bitters
  Combine all ingredients, shake well with ice.  Strain and serve up in a salt-rimmed short glass.

I know many people treat mezcal as kind of an optional ingredient, but this drink alone justifies the hefty price.  I don’t have words for how good it is.

And, yeah, naming is not my strong suit.  But, hey, remember that Alamo place?  That had something to do with Mexico, right?  Or Texas.  Maybe it was Texas.  But I am willing to let Mexico have Texas back (please).  And there is totally a drink called Remember the Maine (a pretty sweet drink, too).  So this works, right?

Oh, come on.  It’s been a hard week.

MxMo XLII: Dizzy Dairy

I was going to come up with something clever about the return of MxMo as the seasons turn but, you know, it’s just not working for me.  So welcome to the interweb’s least cleverly introduced drink event, Mixology Monday XLII, with this month’s host, the eGullet gang, offering up the “Dizzy Dairy” theme.

To tell the truth, this is not a MxMo I’ve been looking forward to.  I’m allergic to cow’s milk, and so, aside from fizzes and flips, I’m mostly left out of the fun.  Sure, a Goat’s-Milk Punch would be cool, but I don’t really have a good source for it and, while I like the taste of goat’s milk more than the average person, I don’t really feel that it would play well with any alcohol I can think of.  I’m sticking to eggs this time.

Caribbean Eggnog

• 1 1/2 oz Jamaican Rum (I used Appleton V/X)
• 1/4 oz Pimento Dram (Homemade)
• 1/4 oz Domaine de Canton (Jamaican Ginger (hah, right) or Stone’s would be just fine)
• 2 dashes Angostura bitters
• 1 egg yolk
  Combine all ingredients in a shaker without ice.  Shake “dry” for 15-30 seconds, then add ice and shake until well-chilled.  Strain and dust top with cayenne pepper.

I mostly made this drink up because, to be honest, I am thoroughly unimpressed with Domaine de Canton and want to get it off my bar.  I would go so far as to say that it is less ginger-y than the charmingly-named Stone’s Original Green Ginger Wine (how Dickensian!).  It is also significantly more expensive.  While it is very nice taken straight, the Domaine de Canton seems to fade into the background in many cocktails.  So I figured I would beef it up with some allspice and set it loose in a drink where it’s significant sweetness would be advantageous.

Flips are some of my very favorite after-dinner cocktails, and this is essentially a spiced-up version of a Thunder Cocktail (which Erik Flannestad hasn’t gotten to yet, but I’m sure he’ll enjoy).  If you switched in nutmeg for the cayenne, it would be very similar to a streamlined Eggnog.  I have to admit that this isn’t really the coolest thing ever done with dairy in a cocktail-context, but I’m already a little dyspeptic this weekend, so it’s gonna have to be this.

off-topic

I has a guest post at the Ethicurean, on meat slaughter.

Anvil List

Another of these “100 X to try before expiring” lists has started making the rounds, this time propagated by Anvil Bar & Refuge, spiritual (and literal) home of the mostly (and sadly) defunct Drink Dogma, and of course about 100 Classic Cocktails.  Why 100?  Why not?  The list doesn’t seem to claim to be exhaustive.

Long story short, this nets me a quick and thoughtless post, so let’s see how I’ve done in terms of debauchery.

1. Absinthe Drip – absinthe, water, sugar
2. Air Mail – rhum, lime, honey, champagne
3. Alexander – spirit, creme de cacao, cream
4. Algonquin – rye, french vermouth, pineapple
5. Americano – campari, italian vermouth, soda
6. Aperol Spritz – aperol, sparkling wine
7. Aviation – gin, lemon, maraschino, creme de violette
8. Bijou – gin, italian vermouth, green chartreuse, orange bitters
9. Blackthorn – irish whiskey, french vermouth, absinthe, angostura bitters
10. Blinker – rye, grapefruit, raspberry syrup
11. Blood & Sand – scotch, orange juice, italian vermouth, cherry heering
12. Bramble – gin, lemon, creme de mure
13. Brandy Crusta – cognac, cointreau, lemon, maraschino, peychaud’s bitters
14. Caipirinha – cachaca, sugar, lime
15. Champagne Cocktail – brut, sugar, angostura bitters
16. Champs Elysees – cognac, lemon, sugar, yellow chartreuse, angostura bitters
17. Chrysanthemum – french vermouth, absinthe, benedictine
18. Cocktail a la Louisiane – rye, benedictine, italian vermouth, absinthe, peychaud’s bitters
19. Coffee Cocktail – cognac, ruby port, egg
20. Collins – spirit, lemon, sugar, soda
21. Corn ‘N Oil – blackstrap rum, falernum, angostura bitters
22. Corpse Reviver #2 – gin, lemon, cointreau, lillet blanc, absinthe
23. Cuba Libre – rum, coca cola, lime
24. Daiquiri – rum, lime, sugar
25. Daisy – bourbon, yellow chartreuse, lemon, lime
26. the Darb – gin, french vermouth, lemon, apricot brandy
27. Death in the Afternoon – champagne, absinthe
28. Dulchin – pisco, apricot brandy, curacao, lime, grenadine
29. East India Cocktail – cognac, curacao, pineapple gomme, maraschino, angostura bitters
30. El Diablo – tequila, creme de cassis, lime, ginger beer
31. Fernet-Branca – it’s a shot of fernet-branca
32. Fourth Degree – gin, french & italian vermouth, absinthe
33. French 75 – gin, lemon, sugar, brut champagne
34. Gimlet – gin, lime, turbinado
35. Gin & Tonic – gin, tonic water, lime
36. Gin Gin Mule – gin, lime, ginger beer, mint
37. Gin Rickey – gin, lime, soda
38. Hemingway Daiquiri – rum, lime, grapefruit, maraschino
39. Hot Buttered Rum – rum, butter, sugar, water
40. Improved Cocktail – spirit, maraschino, peychaud’s & angostura bitters
41. Jack Rose – applejack, lemon, grenadine
42. Japanese – brandy, orgeat, angostura bitters
43. Jasmine – gin, cointreau, campari, lemon
44. Knickerbocker – rum, raspberry syrup, curacao, lime
45. Last Word – gin, lime, green chartreuse, maraschino
46. Mai Tai – rum, curacao, lime, orgeat
47. Maiden’s Prayer – gin, cointreau, orange, lemon
48. Manhattan – rye, italian vermouth, angostura
49. Maple Leaf – bourbon, lemon, maple syrup
50. Margarita – tequila, lime, cointreau
51. Martinez – italian vermouth, gin, maraschino, orange bitters
52. Martini – gin, french vermouth, orange bitters
53. Metropole – cognac, french vermouth, peychaud’s & angostura bitters
54. Milk Punch – spirit, sugar, milk
55. Mint Julep – bourbon, mint, sugar
56. Mojito – rum, lime, mint, turbinado, soda
57. Monkey Gland – gin, orange, grenadine, absinthe
58. Monte Carlo – rye, benedictine, angostura bitters
59. Morning Glory – scotch, lemon, egg white, absinthe
60. Navy Grog – rum, honey, lime
61. Negroni – gin, campari, italian vermouth
62. Old Fashioned – spirit, sugar, angostura bitters
63. Old Pal – rye, campari, french vermouth
64. Opera – gin, dubonnet, maraschino
65. Oriental – rye, italian vermouth, curacao, lime
66. Paradise – gin, apricot brady, orange, lemon
67. Pegu Club – gin, curacao, lime, angostura & orange bitters
68. Pimm’s Cup – pimm’s no. 1, gin, lemon, soda, cucumber
69. Pink Gin – gin, angostura bitters
70. Pink Lady – gin, applejack, lemon, grenadine, egg white
71. Pisco Punch – pisco, pineapple gomme, lemon
72. Pisco Sour – pisco, lemon, egg white
73. Port Flip – ruby port, sugar, whole egg
74. Punch – jerry thomas’ special punch recipe
75. Ramos Gin Fizz – gin, cream, lemon, lime, egg white, soda, orange flower water
76. Red Hook – rye, punt e mes, maraschino, angostura & orange bitters
77. Rum Swizzle – rum, lime, falernum
78. Rusty Nail – scotch, drambuie
79. Satan’s Whiskers – gin, french vermouth, italian vermouth, curacao, orange, orange bitters
80. Sazerac – rye, absinthe, peychaud’s bitters
81. Scofflaw – rye, french vermouth, lemon, grenadine, orange bitters
82. Seelbach – bourbon, cointreau, champagne, bitters
83. Sherry Cobbler – sherry, sugar, fruit, soda
84. Sidecar – cognac, cointreau, lemon
85. Silver Fizz – spirit, lemon, sugar, egg white, soda
86. Singapore Sling – gin, cherry heering, lime, pineapple, cointreau, benedictine, grenadine, angostura bitters
87. Smash – spirits, sugar, water, mint
88. Stinger – cognac, creme de menthe
89. Suffering Bastard – bourbon, gin, lemon, ginger beer, angostura bitters
90. Tailspin – gin, italian vermouth, green chartreause, campari
91. ‘Ti Punch – rhum agricole, lime, sugar
92. Toddy – spirit, sugar, hot water
93. Tom & Jerry – rum, brandy, egg, nutmeg
94. Twentieth Century Cocktail – gin, lemon, creme de cacao, lillet blanc
95. Vesper – gin, vodka, lillet
96. Vieux Carre – cognac, rye, italian vermouth, benedictine, angostura & peychaud’s bitters
97. Whiskey Skin – scotch, lemon, hot water
98. White Lady – gin, cointreau, lemon
99. Widow’s Kiss – calvados, benedictine, yellow chartreause, angostura bitters
100. Zombie – jamaican rum, lime, lemon, pineapple, passion fruit syrup, brown sugar, angostura bitters

In bold are the drinks I have guzzled.  77 out of 100: not too bad, and that includes two (the Alexander and Milk Punch) that I technically can no longer consume, due to food allergies, so good on me.  The Ramos Gin Fizz will have to remain my white whale.  There are certainly quibbles to be… quibbled?  Note, for example, the exclusion of the Bamboo and/or Adonis, two delicious (and similar) sherry-based cocktails that are classics in every sense.  But any list is going to be nitpickable, and I have work to do.

On Seriousness

Since classes are starting, I won’t have as much time to devote to leisurely meditations (or, for that matter, to drinking), so I’m going to start aiming for short and sweet.  And quoting liberally from people who are actually paid to spent their time writing.

So!  The New York Times has a great article on ice.  Ice, as we all know, is the new flat bar for the fixed-gear bike of the cocktail world (by the way, I am sure many of the hip young bartenders these days ride fixies): a pointless, contrived way of perpetuating the exclusivity of a subculture.  You mean you still freeze your ice in trays?  Quel horreur!  Go to the back of the bar!

A coterie of young, ambitious mixologists are using enormous cubes custom made by ice sculpture suppliers for shakers, ice balls the size of oranges for drinks on the rocks, long ice tubes for highballs, pea-size ice in frosty swizzles and pieces muddler-crushed in muslin for juleps.

Along with this new compulsion over form, there’s a new take on the ice’s function. Traditionally as you chilled a drink, you wanted to dilute it, using the melted ice to blend the juices and syrups, to open the aromatics in the liquors and bring it all together harmoniously at a more palatable strength.

The new thinking is that drinks should be kept as strong as possible. Dilution has become a dirty word. This means in a few of the world’s more epicurean watering holes you may witness young bartenders shaking drinks without ice or loading in large hand-hewn chunks, with less surface area to melt, then shaking furiously but briefly and “double straining” through fine mesh to remove any rogue ice particles.

The article goes on to show some preliminary scientific (well, not peer-reviewed, unfortunately (fortunately?)) results that show this is all crap.  Actually, that seems to be the case for many cocktail myths, including the strange idea that one can “bruise” gin and the one that my research is based on: rye, bourbon, and the purported difference between them.

While reading Something from the Oven (an account of how the food industry stole dinner) on my recent vacation, I was especially impressed with Julia Child’s attitude, not towards the food industry, but towards the (mostly) male chefs and food writers who attempted to obfuscate the methodology behind good food so as to maintain their exclusive club.  For example, when asked by her editor why her recipe made no mention of of tying a paper collar around the dish to help the soufflé rise high, Child responded

“This is a lot of balderdash, this paper collar stuff, I think, and a damned nuisance, and it is not done in France.  Dione Lucas & those people use the paper collar, and to hell with them – why complicate things [emphasis added].“

Drinking is fun, and, I promise, a lot easier than cooking.   All you need to make delicious (mind-blowing, for those used to Appletinis) drinks is a little money, some fresh fruit, and the ability to read (may I suggest this blog?).  Craftsmanship in drink-making is one thing, but purposefully creating stumbling blocks in the path of the amateur is despicable.  Specialty ice is no more necessary for good drinksmanship than are muttonchops, arm-gaiters, tattoos, or concealed entrances.

Do you know what all this enthusiasm for period detail and obscurity makes cocktail enthusiasts seem like?  These guys.  Seriously, the guy on the left here looks like he’s about to go on shift.  This all actually makes me glad I live in the middle of nowhere; I already spend enough time hating undergrads, so I don’t have any bile free for snotty bartenders.  A club this focused on its own rules (shouldn’t the first rule of this club be that we don’t spend all our time talking about it?) isn’t fun anymore.  Fuck “mixology”; I make drinks.  If you want me, I’ll be over here, with a good drink and something to talk about besides it.